Enter Nack the Weasel, Part Time Bounty Hunter, Full Time Dumb Head
by nomsayin13
Summary: "Wha-What the heck? Where am I? Why am I here? Hmmm... Maybe I'll have to investigate. Luck HAS to be on my side for once." I do not own any of the Sonic related franchises. However I do own Sam and Flower. This is a replacement story for the first Nack the Weasel story.


_One day..._

I woke up this morning with no idea where I'd be aside from in the middle of a field full of flowers. See I know something about the ground.

I was in those flowers an' unsure of what to do, I stood to my feet, wobbling a li'l since I just woke up. I fumbled around for about to see if I still have my weapons belt. Yep, still here.

My weapons belt had all the belts a bounty hunter could ask for: grapple-it-up hook, smell-ya-later grenades, I'll bwast you laser rifle, and lots more than that. I had more than everything I need in order to get the job done. An' I get hired a lot since everybody needs a person like me. I hunt for lots of things. I hunt whoever it is that needs hunting.

Ya probably noticed my accent. 'Least that's what I call it. My sister, Nic the Weasel, says I talk like I dunno how to talk properly. But that's expected from someone like her. She's one of those persons who thinks they are so great, like a freakin' queen. She calls herself sophis...sophist...she's just full of herself! She's so arrogant, it sickens me. Now that I'd think about it, that's probably the reason why we don't get along so dandy.

With no destination in mind, I'd wondered aimlessly like a lone bat in a cave. Eventually, I wandered to a neighborhood, rows an' rows o' look alike houses. I mean, if you were me, if you'd be wondering' if you were seeing the same plain seashell white houses again and again. I was looking through the houses, right, when I see a great big house- an' when I say big, I mean bigger than my house- with a great big silver gate, a bright red roof an' a driveway big enough for' like twenty cars. That be the second biggest house I'd ever saw.

For a moment I stared at it with a dreamy look on my handsome features. I didn't know what to do so I just stared at it for who knows how long. Then my acute hearing picked up something: the sound of a door being unlocked.

Normally my first instant be shooting' whoever dares to come out, but this time I was feeling unlucky so I dove for those bushes instead. I made a bit of noise but remained silent after that. I peeked out to see who it was coming out. A tall thin-eyed man in black came out, his eyes searched, searching for anything suspicious. Not that I'd blame him.

The guy was out for a bit then retreated into the house, apparently satisfied no one are here. I slowly poked my legs out, then my arms then my head. Pretty soon I was out in the open, exposed. I took a breath before I got an idea. I would sneak in, right, all stealthy like. But the question is how?

I glanced up to the gate when another idea came to my head. The gate. I would climb the gate like nobody's business an' when I get there... I dunno, but right now I'm gonna go with it and act on instant. Just like the bounty hunter rules.

I put my foot on the bar of the gate, pushing my weight on the foot, then did the same thing for my utter foot. I ran outta bars quick and I realized I needed a new tactic. That's when I remembered that I gotta a grapple-it-up hook. Yes. I knew that this thing would come in real handy. I tried to pull the weapon from my belt but that darned thing was stuck! Full of fury, I pulled harder. Arrgh. That little…!

I pulled harder an' harder 'til I was practically tugging the thing. It was super hard, balancing with your two feet on the gate while trying to get the weapon outta yer belt. If this be the Underworld, I would living it right now. I tugged and tugged at it for I dunno how long 'til I heard a loud _rrrrriiiiiippppp!_ An' the gun came all loose on me. It'd collapsed on the ground, at least a good six feet from the height I climbed.

I groaned. All of my hard work an' this is how I'd be repaid?! Just one, just one time can life be easy for Nack the Weasel? Apparently not. I needed that gun; I can't get up ta any high places without it. At the same time, though, I'm so close to getting up to the big house my effort would be nothing if I jumped now.

Before I could make up my mind, the gate moved. Someone's coming and I'm not hiding from them! The gate opened all the way and I lost my balance and fell in the bushes. I might've screamed a bit and I let out an ooff! As I tumbled in them. I fell right on my back; pain shot all over my body. I'd be lucky if I'd not break any bones. I rolled over to my side, hoping the pain would go away. I rustled the leaves once again. As I thought anger thoughts, the person-who'd be a girl, woman even- who opened the gate and asked, "Is there anyone there?"

The girl went over to them bushes I'd be at, tore apart the bushes and gasped. "Oh my God! Are you alright?" She had dark skin, wore a blue dress and spoke with a Spanish accent. Not as good as mine 'course. She scooped me up in her arms and ran over to the house. All I could do was wonder what else would be a happening.

_0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

I awoke again to the sound of the girl-woman excuse me- walking around the place, humming a merry tune. I groaned a bit because the tune she sang rang in my ears. Soon as I let out a noise, the woman was at my side instantly.

"Are you alright darling?" she asks me.

I nod then I said, "'Course I'd be fine, why you ask?"

"You looked badly hurt," the woman replied. "It pained me to see you like this, so thank goodness you are alright!" The woman picked me up as though I were a little boy. I'd nearly be gasping for my life that woman squeezed me hard! She released me soon as she saw I'd gasped for breath. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I have gotten carried away. Would you like some soup?"

My ears perked up. "Soup?"Excellent just what I need. "Ya mean the sorta soup that has bugs in it?"

The woman gave me a funny look. "No...but if you like, I can fix that up for you."

"Yes I want some soup," I replied, more than anxious to get that in my belly.

As I'd waited, I spotted something outta the corner of my eye; it was a mix of blue and red. Then I remembered something: that was the exact color mix I'd sawed when I'd gotten a contract long 'go. I thought and thought 'bout it. What was his name, what was his name I thought over and over again. Still I could not remember.

I cursed to myself for having the poorest memory outta the family. That guy, I could sworn I'd seen him before. He was blue, ran 'round an' 'round lots, and had those green eyes...

Of course! It was Sonic the Hedgehog! How did I not 'member this from before? I'd a contact to kidnap the little booger years back an' now that I'm here an' he's here. I gotta go an' redeem myself an' catch him once an' for all! I gotta catch Sonic!

But first, the woman. I've got to dispose her quickly. I sneaked my way in the cooking place- don't 'member the name- then spotted her just mixing the tiny pot. Probably full of bugs could be. My brain went through lotsa options; throwing a smell-ya-later grenades, tie her up with a grapple-it-up hook, or even a swift punch in the shin. All sounded good ideas but only one idea I could do.

I got tired of this quick so I just threw a smell-ya-later grenade and ran outta the door. I gotta get that hedgehog. It's been years since I last seen him, sure an' my boss says he ain't worth the trouble, but still; I got to redeem myself. The boss was intent on catching the fiend then so maybe it'll make a difference that I get the hedgehog and I bring him to the boss. I could even get the promotion I deserve!

Excited, I ran faster than ever, scanning around for the hedgehog; _gotta find 'im, gotta find 'im, gotta find 'im_ my thoughts ran like crazy. Holy cow I forgot how obsessed I was with the hedgehog. Not as obsessed as that one pink hedgehog but still; I don't care 'bout 'him, I care 'bout the money involved with it. Long as the hedgehog is alive and brought before my boss, I'm happy.

I stopped in my tracks; I'd heard something but I dunno what it is, but it sounds like talking. I look over my shoulder and see not only the blue hedgehog but also a purple hedgehog too. They haven't noticed me yet thank goodness, so I decided to hide 'hind the nearest place I could find: a tree.

I went over to the tree, letting the huge bark cover me up from the still unsuspecting hedgehogs. They hadn't seen a thing! If I could only from a plan, Sonic will be in my grasp. I chuckled to myself at the thought of it.

Suddenly the purple hedgehog turned over at my direction. I covered my mouth ta suppress the laugh, holding my breath. The hedgehog made her way here, carefully inspecting' the tree, ready to attack if necessary. She proceeded to look at the back of the tree, something I ain't prepared for. I froze in place, waiting' for the hedgehog ta see me. I supposed there ain't a point in just hiding from her as she doesn't know me. As far as I know she ain't got any idea about me.

She spotted me. "Ummm...what're you doing here?" she questioned, eyeing me as though I am a criminal.

I fumbled 'round for any gadgets to help me while keeping any contact with her. "I was just... y'know, playin' hide an' seek wit my little brothah," the words stumbled outta my mouth like a broken pipe.

"In our backyard?" the hedgehog put her hand on her hips, fully demanding my real intention. "And what're you doing digging in your belt?"

I didn't bother answering. Instead I kept my fingers moving in my belt, finally finding something that could be of some use: my laser rifle. I pulled it out heroically an' all an' I said, "Ya bettah freeze yah body if ya know what's good for ya!"

The hedgehog looked startled and did as I said an' stretched her arms straight to the sky. However, I now had the blue hedgehog's attention. "Get away from her!" he shouts an' gives me a kick my hand, my rifle slipped from my fingers.

"Haven't ya evah heard o'askin' for permission before ya knock something outta sumeone's hand!" I growled.

"Can someone tell me what the heck is going on?!" the purple hedgehog shrieked.

Sonic stopped sending me death stares long enough to answer. "That's Nack the Weasel," he points at me. "He and I have had a bad history, he's tried to capture me, hold me hostage, boil me in oil-" I really did that?- "and he tried to kill me once," Sonic finished listing all the things I may or may not have done.

The purple hedgehog glares at me. "You did all of that to Sonic?"

"An' more," I replied with a grin, getting out my other laser rifle, the gun aimed directly at her. I opened fire, the beams hitting her body. She fell back, unconscious.

Sonic eyed the hedgehog in horror, then immediately switched to anger. "You're gonna get it big time, bub," he yells as he forms into a ball, homing attack me.

I was knocked back into the tree, an apple falling onto my lap. I took out my rifle once more, open fire again. I hit him a few times, I saw, but that didn't seem to stop him from homing attacking me once more. I fell backwards, stumbling before I landed. I knew I had to change tactics an' fast.

That's when I got myself an idea that won't fail. I shot my beam over to a nearby mirror, shooting back at once back toward me! I ducked but Sonic hit the beam, burning him slightly as he took the full blast. He too, became unconscious. I grinned as far as my mouth would allow; finally! It happened! It really happened! I finally captured Sonic the Hedgehog! Wait 'til my boss sees this!

I slithered over to my prize, fully admiring it. You're a dead hedgehog now Sonic because when my boss is through with ya, he's gonna pay me an' you'll be nothing more than a...than a... I dunno. You won't be a hedgehog no more no doubt about that.

'Fore I knew it, I was in the air, a bright red mark on my cheek. It happened so fast that I barely had enough time to react. I had enough time to look down an' notice a giant gloved hand. What the bloody heck? Where'd that hand come from? I'd come back to reality as I heard the air zipping through my ears.

I founded myself screaming at the top of my lungs, thinking nothing but my well-deserved doom. This is it. This is the end of Nack the Weasel, the infamous bounty hunter back on-

Wait! I'm in a different area. I get a strange sense that I'd been here before: the place was completely dark except for the small light glaring at a circular area with a chair. An' in that chair was my boss, completely clothed in a dark hood. He's got a reputation for being intimidating, but I didn't care at the moment; the sight of something familiar shot relief 'rou my body.

I ran over to him. "Thank goodness I'm here," I says. "But how? How would that be possible?"

"I teleported you here," he informed me. "I also sent you to Earth in order to kidnap the fox boy, which you sadly failed at."

I couldn't quite believe my ears. "W-what?"

"I sent you on a mission to redeem yourself," he stated. "And you brought back nothing. Now you must pay."

"No boss, please not that bloody punishment!"

"Don't be so glum," he smiled. "You've proven yourself better at handling slightly more...harmless things rather than harmful. Now I think it's time to send you on something a little less... challenging."

I knew right away what he is gonna say. "No, no don't say it."

"Kitchen duty."

He said it. He said the one job which I absolutely hated doing, even more than I hate my sister an' that's saying something.

"It's that," the boss continued. "Or you serve as Sargent Simons punching bag."

Well, there are worse jobs. Still I almost wanna be a punching bag. Almost. I got on my knees, something Dad told me never to do, but at that point I was desperate. "I swear I almost had him, if that purple hedgehog didn't get in the way-"

"Wait!" the boss interrupted. Even enough he's clothed, I could tell I captured his interest. "Tell me more about this 'purple hedgehog."

I grinned, more eager than I've ever been in my life.


End file.
